Trudging

Well it's been another week on my journey. The previous week, I lost 1/2 a pound bringing me to a total of 17 lbs lost.  Only 3 more pounds to go until I meet my next goal!!

This week, however, I didn't lose anything...but I didn't gain either...so while I'm not super pumped, I'm happy that I at least maintained my weight from the week before. 

John and I started exercising this week by doing P90x.  Although it may seem a bit ambitious to be taking on a monster like P90x at the size I am, I have to say I've been impressed with myself.  Obviously I can't do every single move they do but I do as much as I can and, on the ones that I can't do all the way, I try to do it as close as I can.  We've exercised for at least an hour every night this week (except for last night) and I've felt pretty good.  After the first day, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to move but surprisingly, I wasn't as sore as I expected to be.  Now I know there are a few of you out there that are thinking "muscle weighs more than fat so you may lose inches but not weight" - yes, I know that...BUT it would have been nice to see a little bit of a reward via the scale.

I feel like I've just been trudging along this week and I had a hard time staying focused on my goal of getting healthy.  I did have an extra Diet Coke two days this week but I still ate like I was supposed to. Tuesday was one of those days that it was a total struggle to even get out of bed and function.  That's the frustrating thing about depression - I'll be going along fine and then out of nowhere, it will blindside me.  In most cases, as with this one, there is no particular "thing" that triggers it.  The only way that I know to describe it is the chemical imbalance in my head is a little more imbalanced a that particular time than others and my meds can't quite get it in check. I put on my brave face and headed out face the world and managed to make it through the day...and thankfully the rest of the week was better. Depression is not a weakness, it's a disease. I am not ashamed of who I am.  I don't talk about my feelings for attention or for you to feel sorry for me. I am so open about my feelings in hopes that someone out there who may be going through the same thing will realize that they are not alone...that they are not "broken"...that it's ok to ask for help...and that they can get through it.

So here's to another week.  I will not give up.  I will not fail. I don't care if it takes me years to lose this weight, I WILL do it! Baby steps.  Slow and steady wins the race.